On the Links with Golf Grammie

I told my Grandson recently that, "your mind never ages." I'm referring to a comment he made earlier about the “only balls he saw were made of cheese.” As I read that I thought, “must be he doesn't have a full length mirror in the bathroom.”

In small-town America, where I live, we have a population of less than one thousand people, and no real golf course but one in every direction twenty plus miles away. Except in midsummer when the days are long, it is hard to get home from work, drive and try to get in nine holes before dark. Also, many of the people around here who play golf can only afford to play once or twice a month.

Myself, I didn't play golf until I was 56, but once I did I was addicted. Sometimes I think my mind plays golf 24/7. For the first couple years I played in my yard, which wasn't even a half an acre, setting up nine flag sticks and mostly working on my short game. Then, one day I went begging and ended up with a three acre field that was pretty scrappy, as it had only ever been Bush Hogged. Five years and a lot of sweat later, I have transformed the field into JustAField Golf Teaching Center. We have a men and women’s league, and I work with children and have a program during the fall with the local school. My field has three backyard greens, each with three flags, eighteen tee boxes, front and back nines. The shortest hole is 78 Yards and the longest is a 178 yard dogleg out of the woods. Several tee boxes in the woods are bedded with sawdust. One in particular has nearly two feet of chips covered with another 2 feet of sawdust. The shot requires hitting over two hazards. This would be considered groomed compared to golf conditions in the late 1800's and early 1900's when some of the greatest golfers in the world became famous.

During the fifth year of maintaining JustAField I had a full knee replacement. Titanium Shafts - why not a titanium knee, which serves me just as well.

My surgery was done on June 15th and I was back on the riding mower four weeks later, another two weeks and I could play golf. After ending nearly a month of what I considered "house arrest," I could go and watch the men during league night. I had missed a lot. Being a fun league I make sure they have a different format each week. That night I told them, "when I am feeling in the pink, I expect you to be wearing pink!" For a couple of weeks I don't think they took me seriously. I finally told them, "no pink - don't show up!" As you can see, eight of the thirteen guys did themselves proud - some more then others. For several weeks I had to take a lot of teasing. I said that for every pink item they had, I would take one stroke off their score. "Can I wear my wife's pink panties?"

"Sure," I said, "anything counts so long as it's pink."

"Are you going to check?"

"Yes!" I said, and yes I did. I probably had the last laugh. This particular guy found out that the panties were binding and it was hot and sticky, he couldn't wait to get home and take them off.

The winner took home a check for $25, a rather nice pink flamingo for the garden, a trophy with pink pants and a bottle of Pepto Bismol® to soothe his tummy as well as his ego.

I didn't keep my round posted in 2009 because of surgery and I won’t again in 2010 due to surgery on the other knee this coming March. I'm guessing my handicap now is probably a 26. As I approach the 3/4 century mark, (75 in May) it is doubtful that I'll ever be able to get my handicap under 20, which has always been my goal. So now all I can say is, "please God let me live long enough to shoot my age!"

Golf Grammie